THE SINGLES SCENE DOESN’T WORK
by Susan Platt
This has been a very difficult column to write. As it happens, I know many people who make their living from the
single scene. I count among my friends people who are quite skilled at what they do in terms of creating
venues where singles can mix and mingle, friends who write lovely books about how to find one’s true love,
friends who will make matches for you, and, friends who counsel and tutor us in terms of dress, behavior, and
attitude in order to improve our love life. So, at the risk of not being on their VIP lists anymore, I must tell you that
I believe that if you attend these functions with the sole purpose in mind of “finding someone”, you will be sorely
disappointed. It is my fervent belief that if your goal is to meet someone with whom you can have a stable,
healthy, fulfilling, intimate, and long-term relationship, the singles scene as most of us know it is not the place
where this is going to happen. In fact, it is very unlikely that you will ever meet anyone at one of these functions
with whom you can stick it out over the long haul.
Okay, start protesting now. “Ridiculous!” you say. “Counterintuitive” you say. And the dreaded, “Negative” you
say. “Why, I know someone who knew someone who found their soul mate at a singles thing and they’re
married now, I think, so it happens “all the time”. And, you assume that it could just as easily happen to you. I
think many of you strongly believe in the single scene potential; look how many singles organizations we
belong to, how many on-line dating sites we support, and how many emails from groups we receive. And,
occasionally, a romance blossoms that actually withstands the test of time. I know how incredibly difficult it is to
believe that with all the single men and women out there, and all of the sponsored dating activities, it is not
likely we will connect with an interesting, appropriate and compatible person. Sadly, wishful thinking,
loneliness, fear, and yearning just add impetus to the bright but empty idea that your soul mate is out there
waiting for you.
Let me explain my point of view before you call the lynching committee. I’m not suggesting that you won’t have
a good time, make new friends, or enjoy mocking the rest of us. I really don’t mean to dampen your ardor or
your spirits or discourage you in any way from your pursuits. These events can be fun, are great places to meet
people, explore and enjoy activities, get out of the house, make new business contacts, see the sights, learn a
new skill, whatever. But, considering that there are millions of people involved in these activities, and
acknowledging the millions of possible pairings, it becomes painfully clear to even the most math challenged
among us that the number of “happily ever afters” is a statistically insignificant one. Unfortunately for all of us,
real love rarely rears its cute little head in this atmosphere, and on-going relationships do not often start at
these venues.
Let’s look at some of the less than obvious road blocks to connecting with all of these people. For starters, the
one thing you think you have in common with all the people who go to these activities aimed at singles
(besides the fact that we are all gluttons for punishment) is our marital status. We are all single, theoretically.
But, surprise, surprise, did you know that the number of people who are attending these functions these days
who are legally married, married but separated, married but cheating, divorced or widowed but involved with
someone, on a date and part of a couple, or dating outside of the singles scene is staggering. My guess is that
at least 25% of the attendees are not available for an important and legitimate relationship, because they are
already in one. Consider that half of those who are left are not the gender
Let me know what you think. I reserve the right to use your comments (as if they were my own) in future
columns. Also, what would you like to read about? Write to me at Susan D. Platt, P.O. Box (Jeannine’s) or
sdplatt2@astound.net.
Copyright, 2009, by Susan D. Platt. Not to be reproduced without the authorization of Susan D. Platt.
MORE OF SUSAN'S COLUMNS
BACK TO HOME PAGE
by Susan Platt
This has been a very difficult column to write. As it happens, I know many people who make their living from the
single scene. I count among my friends people who are quite skilled at what they do in terms of creating
venues where singles can mix and mingle, friends who write lovely books about how to find one’s true love,
friends who will make matches for you, and, friends who counsel and tutor us in terms of dress, behavior, and
attitude in order to improve our love life. So, at the risk of not being on their VIP lists anymore, I must tell you that
I believe that if you attend these functions with the sole purpose in mind of “finding someone”, you will be sorely
disappointed. It is my fervent belief that if your goal is to meet someone with whom you can have a stable,
healthy, fulfilling, intimate, and long-term relationship, the singles scene as most of us know it is not the place
where this is going to happen. In fact, it is very unlikely that you will ever meet anyone at one of these functions
with whom you can stick it out over the long haul.
Okay, start protesting now. “Ridiculous!” you say. “Counterintuitive” you say. And the dreaded, “Negative” you
say. “Why, I know someone who knew someone who found their soul mate at a singles thing and they’re
married now, I think, so it happens “all the time”. And, you assume that it could just as easily happen to you. I
think many of you strongly believe in the single scene potential; look how many singles organizations we
belong to, how many on-line dating sites we support, and how many emails from groups we receive. And,
occasionally, a romance blossoms that actually withstands the test of time. I know how incredibly difficult it is to
believe that with all the single men and women out there, and all of the sponsored dating activities, it is not
likely we will connect with an interesting, appropriate and compatible person. Sadly, wishful thinking,
loneliness, fear, and yearning just add impetus to the bright but empty idea that your soul mate is out there
waiting for you.
Let me explain my point of view before you call the lynching committee. I’m not suggesting that you won’t have
a good time, make new friends, or enjoy mocking the rest of us. I really don’t mean to dampen your ardor or
your spirits or discourage you in any way from your pursuits. These events can be fun, are great places to meet
people, explore and enjoy activities, get out of the house, make new business contacts, see the sights, learn a
new skill, whatever. But, considering that there are millions of people involved in these activities, and
acknowledging the millions of possible pairings, it becomes painfully clear to even the most math challenged
among us that the number of “happily ever afters” is a statistically insignificant one. Unfortunately for all of us,
real love rarely rears its cute little head in this atmosphere, and on-going relationships do not often start at
these venues.
Let’s look at some of the less than obvious road blocks to connecting with all of these people. For starters, the
one thing you think you have in common with all the people who go to these activities aimed at singles
(besides the fact that we are all gluttons for punishment) is our marital status. We are all single, theoretically.
But, surprise, surprise, did you know that the number of people who are attending these functions these days
who are legally married, married but separated, married but cheating, divorced or widowed but involved with
someone, on a date and part of a couple, or dating outside of the singles scene is staggering. My guess is that
at least 25% of the attendees are not available for an important and legitimate relationship, because they are
already in one. Consider that half of those who are left are not the gender
Let me know what you think. I reserve the right to use your comments (as if they were my own) in future
columns. Also, what would you like to read about? Write to me at Susan D. Platt, P.O. Box (Jeannine’s) or
sdplatt2@astound.net.
Copyright, 2009, by Susan D. Platt. Not to be reproduced without the authorization of Susan D. Platt.
MORE OF SUSAN'S COLUMNS
BACK TO HOME PAGE
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