SICK OF THE SINGLES SCENE?
My heart goes out to all singles who are dissatisfied with their current relationship position. It isn’t easy
slogging through the day-to-day, if you are distracted by the ever-present malaise that comes with being
profoundly dissatisfied with the status quo. If you are reflective and self-aware, you already know whether or not
you are satisfied with the way your relationship situation is going. If not, the following paragraphs will offer
questions to ponder and pose the scenarios of the dissatisfied. Perhaps you will recognize yourself in some of
this - I know at one time I did. If you find yourself described below, even a little, I may have something for you to
think about. So, eyes and minds open, blindfolds off, defenses down, you get the idea. Does any of the
following fit you?
Are you one of the many singles on this earth who is, as the song says, “tired of bein’ alone”? Do you find
yourself constantly thinking that if you had someone with whom you could share your life, things would be oh so
much better and brighter? Do you put off activities that you would enjoy because it’s just not as much fun
alone? Are you constantly missing that person who could perhaps cook for you, fix that leaky faucet, advise you
about buying that new car, or take care of you when you’re ill? Is the longing and missing and wishing taking
over a lot of your thoughts? And, are you becoming more and more dissatisfied with this single-minded
preoccupation?
Or, perhaps you haunt the singles world attending every dance, TGIF, mixer, and social activity put on by any of
25 singles groups and clubs. Do you go out all of the time, keeping busy as it were, appearing at all of the
clubs, hoping each time that the answer to your prayers will be sitting right in front of you at the buffet - and
using utensils? Do you online date to the degree that you’ve not seen a man or woman in a very long time but
you are intimate with a hundred different internet profiles? Are you so adept at speed-dating that you can
determine in a millisecond that someone is not right for you? Is no one right for you? And, are you finding that
all of this is a bit tiresome?
Or, are you a serial dater. Do you meet and date regularly, get involved with people for about six months to a
year, and then start finding fault and break up because there’s nothing there after the chemistry dies down? Are
you incapable of becoming involved with someone if there is no initial chemistry because you believe that is
what is initially necessary in order to create a lasting relationship? Are you someone who either gives your
phone number to anyone who asks, accepting dates from anyone who requests one; or do you ask for phone
numbers every time someone speaks to you and do you ask everyone out who you meet? And does everyone
eventually disappoint?
Or, are you sick to death of the singles scene? Would you just rather curl up at home by yourself with a book
and the dog, a movie and a bowl of popcorn, or the computer and anything portable and edible, and spare
yourself the aggravation of one more night on the prowl? Do you think you just can’t bear one more dance
where they play Lady in Red? Do you complain (but in an attractive way) that there is no one of any interest at
any of these events, and it’s all just a boring waste of time? Do you think if you have to make small talk with one
more moron with whom you have nothing in common, you’ll scream until your head explodes? Have you finally
realized that the number of people who actually meet and stay together on the internet is statistically
insignificant and internet dating is a disappointing waste of time? Are you tired of telling yourself that you’re just
looking for new friends and are not really interested in meeting a significant other? No one actually believes
that last one anyway. Is this all getting to be too much for you?
Now, ponder this. Are you so old school that you still believe that you need someone else in order to feel
complete, happy, satisfied, fulfilled…blah, blah, blah? You say you aren’t, but maybe you are just a little? How
you spend your time and the thoughts that haunt you tell you the truth about whether or not you are experiencing
the above. If your mood or your sense of well-being seems to hinge on whether or not you have a date, or if
someone is calling you, or if you’re in a relationship even if it’s going nowhere, or whether or not you’re popular
with the cool kids, you may want to think about how to improve your sense of self-worth. As everyone knows, or
so they say, you have to be whole and healthy in order to find the same in others.
Of course for some the situation can become anxiety provoking, depressing, and perhaps dangerous. Maybe
you need to engage a professional for that proverbial fifty-minute hour in order to gain some perspective. And, if
your conversation is solely, constantly, and incessantly about the opposite sex, where to go to meet someone,
why you can’t meet someone, on and on and on, then you may benefit from a little one-on-one with someone
with a Dr. in front of his or her name, and initials behind it.
The bad news is most of us are not going to spend the rest of our days with a magical someone; or anyone, for
that matter. Odds are we are destined to go it alone from now on. I can just hear some of you for whom a
cliché passes for a philosophy of life saying, “but you never know - it could happen”. And of course, it could.
But, grasshopper, like the proverbial Boy Scout, you better be prepared if it doesn’t, because the statistics tell
us that it isn’t very likely.
So, what do you do with yourself? How do you turn this lemon into lemonade? Sometimes the wisest thing you
can do for yourself while navigating this confusing and often frustrating singles scene is to take a break from it
altogether. Perhaps it’s time to stop and (dreaded word coming) analyze, evaluate or pass judgment on your
past, (it’s called reflecting) your history with others, your motivations, your successes, your regrets, and perhaps
finally come to some understanding of your role in the success or failure of your many liaisons.
And, perhaps you need to find a different way altogether to be in the world at this stage of your life. Maybe it’s
time to look for something different to do to improve your frame of mind and eventually your life.
Becoming single afforded me an opportunity to decide how I wanted to live in the world for the rest of my life.
Like many of you, even though I wasn’t initially pleased about being alone and on my own, eventually I sort of
grew into the idea. I knew I had to figure out a way to not just make the best of a situation I wasn’t thrilled with,
but create a life with meaning. I didn’t come up with anything new or original; I knew from reading philosophy
and psychology books that certain activities have long been known to be important in maintaining a purpose to
one’s life. In other words, I knew that a life well-lived consisted of standard components, certain universal and
widely accepted features that satisfied certain basic needs. And, consistently brought forth positive results.
So, I put the basics together for myself and created the framework for a life I thought would have goals, a focus,
and purpose. Please, notice that happiness is not mentioned as a goal, but is a hoped for by-product of
purpose and meaning. And, by the way, often attainable after a couple of shots of tequila and dancing the night
away. Along with living a relatively normal everyday life, I make sure that the following are also present in some
balanced way. I list them below in no particular order.
I. It is imperative to have a social life. This consists of friends, activities, organizations, clubs, going out, and
staying in with people. Regardless of the structure or number involved, one-on-one or a large gathering, a
social life allows you to feel comfortable in the world.
II. It is imperative to have a physical life. You can go to the gym for workouts, take hikes, dance, join sports
teams, use exercise videos, or participate with the exercise programs on television; anything that gets your
body moving is good. This is done for both health and pleasure.
III. It is imperative to have an intellectual life. Going to school to take a class or complete a degree, starting a
new business or holding down a job, reading about anything, especially those subjects which interest and
amuse, writing, discussing, going to lectures - all those things which educate and assist us in expanding our
points of view. This is so we are not stupid.
IV. It is imperative to have a charitable life. Do something for someone else, volunteer at an established
charity, religious organization, hospital, library, or whatever. It is important to get your hands dirty while
assisting someone else. This helps us realize that the world doesn’t revolve around us.
V. It is imperative to have a family life. We need to spend time with and appreciate family - whatever form that
may take - children, parents, brothers and sisters, any friends or significant others, pets, home and hearth, kith
and kin. This is so we know we have a haven, and know we are loved - even if just by one.
I hope this helps as you evaluate your approach to your life. I don’t have to tell you that there is nothing as
devastating as doing the same thing over and over, thinking the same thoughts, being stuck in a rut, and
unhappy because you can’t get what you want, and don’t know what to do about it.
I’m not saying that this is a cure-all - sometimes only a doctor and a prescription can cure what ails you.
However, if you have all of the above in your life, chances are you are pretty satisfied, busy, perhaps happy, and
often fulfilled. And you may have reason to be pretty pleased with yourself for all that you have accomplished
alone and without a partner. If you do not, you may want to make some changes.
Please email your comments to sdplatt2@astound.net.
Susan’s Wake Up Call, copyright, 2009, by Susan D. Platt
(No part of this article may be reproduced without the express permission of the author).
May 3, 2009 - 6
My heart goes out to all singles who are dissatisfied with their current relationship position. It isn’t easy
slogging through the day-to-day, if you are distracted by the ever-present malaise that comes with being
profoundly dissatisfied with the status quo. If you are reflective and self-aware, you already know whether or not
you are satisfied with the way your relationship situation is going. If not, the following paragraphs will offer
questions to ponder and pose the scenarios of the dissatisfied. Perhaps you will recognize yourself in some of
this - I know at one time I did. If you find yourself described below, even a little, I may have something for you to
think about. So, eyes and minds open, blindfolds off, defenses down, you get the idea. Does any of the
following fit you?
Are you one of the many singles on this earth who is, as the song says, “tired of bein’ alone”? Do you find
yourself constantly thinking that if you had someone with whom you could share your life, things would be oh so
much better and brighter? Do you put off activities that you would enjoy because it’s just not as much fun
alone? Are you constantly missing that person who could perhaps cook for you, fix that leaky faucet, advise you
about buying that new car, or take care of you when you’re ill? Is the longing and missing and wishing taking
over a lot of your thoughts? And, are you becoming more and more dissatisfied with this single-minded
preoccupation?
Or, perhaps you haunt the singles world attending every dance, TGIF, mixer, and social activity put on by any of
25 singles groups and clubs. Do you go out all of the time, keeping busy as it were, appearing at all of the
clubs, hoping each time that the answer to your prayers will be sitting right in front of you at the buffet - and
using utensils? Do you online date to the degree that you’ve not seen a man or woman in a very long time but
you are intimate with a hundred different internet profiles? Are you so adept at speed-dating that you can
determine in a millisecond that someone is not right for you? Is no one right for you? And, are you finding that
all of this is a bit tiresome?
Or, are you a serial dater. Do you meet and date regularly, get involved with people for about six months to a
year, and then start finding fault and break up because there’s nothing there after the chemistry dies down? Are
you incapable of becoming involved with someone if there is no initial chemistry because you believe that is
what is initially necessary in order to create a lasting relationship? Are you someone who either gives your
phone number to anyone who asks, accepting dates from anyone who requests one; or do you ask for phone
numbers every time someone speaks to you and do you ask everyone out who you meet? And does everyone
eventually disappoint?
Or, are you sick to death of the singles scene? Would you just rather curl up at home by yourself with a book
and the dog, a movie and a bowl of popcorn, or the computer and anything portable and edible, and spare
yourself the aggravation of one more night on the prowl? Do you think you just can’t bear one more dance
where they play Lady in Red? Do you complain (but in an attractive way) that there is no one of any interest at
any of these events, and it’s all just a boring waste of time? Do you think if you have to make small talk with one
more moron with whom you have nothing in common, you’ll scream until your head explodes? Have you finally
realized that the number of people who actually meet and stay together on the internet is statistically
insignificant and internet dating is a disappointing waste of time? Are you tired of telling yourself that you’re just
looking for new friends and are not really interested in meeting a significant other? No one actually believes
that last one anyway. Is this all getting to be too much for you?
Now, ponder this. Are you so old school that you still believe that you need someone else in order to feel
complete, happy, satisfied, fulfilled…blah, blah, blah? You say you aren’t, but maybe you are just a little? How
you spend your time and the thoughts that haunt you tell you the truth about whether or not you are experiencing
the above. If your mood or your sense of well-being seems to hinge on whether or not you have a date, or if
someone is calling you, or if you’re in a relationship even if it’s going nowhere, or whether or not you’re popular
with the cool kids, you may want to think about how to improve your sense of self-worth. As everyone knows, or
so they say, you have to be whole and healthy in order to find the same in others.
Of course for some the situation can become anxiety provoking, depressing, and perhaps dangerous. Maybe
you need to engage a professional for that proverbial fifty-minute hour in order to gain some perspective. And, if
your conversation is solely, constantly, and incessantly about the opposite sex, where to go to meet someone,
why you can’t meet someone, on and on and on, then you may benefit from a little one-on-one with someone
with a Dr. in front of his or her name, and initials behind it.
The bad news is most of us are not going to spend the rest of our days with a magical someone; or anyone, for
that matter. Odds are we are destined to go it alone from now on. I can just hear some of you for whom a
cliché passes for a philosophy of life saying, “but you never know - it could happen”. And of course, it could.
But, grasshopper, like the proverbial Boy Scout, you better be prepared if it doesn’t, because the statistics tell
us that it isn’t very likely.
So, what do you do with yourself? How do you turn this lemon into lemonade? Sometimes the wisest thing you
can do for yourself while navigating this confusing and often frustrating singles scene is to take a break from it
altogether. Perhaps it’s time to stop and (dreaded word coming) analyze, evaluate or pass judgment on your
past, (it’s called reflecting) your history with others, your motivations, your successes, your regrets, and perhaps
finally come to some understanding of your role in the success or failure of your many liaisons.
And, perhaps you need to find a different way altogether to be in the world at this stage of your life. Maybe it’s
time to look for something different to do to improve your frame of mind and eventually your life.
Becoming single afforded me an opportunity to decide how I wanted to live in the world for the rest of my life.
Like many of you, even though I wasn’t initially pleased about being alone and on my own, eventually I sort of
grew into the idea. I knew I had to figure out a way to not just make the best of a situation I wasn’t thrilled with,
but create a life with meaning. I didn’t come up with anything new or original; I knew from reading philosophy
and psychology books that certain activities have long been known to be important in maintaining a purpose to
one’s life. In other words, I knew that a life well-lived consisted of standard components, certain universal and
widely accepted features that satisfied certain basic needs. And, consistently brought forth positive results.
So, I put the basics together for myself and created the framework for a life I thought would have goals, a focus,
and purpose. Please, notice that happiness is not mentioned as a goal, but is a hoped for by-product of
purpose and meaning. And, by the way, often attainable after a couple of shots of tequila and dancing the night
away. Along with living a relatively normal everyday life, I make sure that the following are also present in some
balanced way. I list them below in no particular order.
I. It is imperative to have a social life. This consists of friends, activities, organizations, clubs, going out, and
staying in with people. Regardless of the structure or number involved, one-on-one or a large gathering, a
social life allows you to feel comfortable in the world.
II. It is imperative to have a physical life. You can go to the gym for workouts, take hikes, dance, join sports
teams, use exercise videos, or participate with the exercise programs on television; anything that gets your
body moving is good. This is done for both health and pleasure.
III. It is imperative to have an intellectual life. Going to school to take a class or complete a degree, starting a
new business or holding down a job, reading about anything, especially those subjects which interest and
amuse, writing, discussing, going to lectures - all those things which educate and assist us in expanding our
points of view. This is so we are not stupid.
IV. It is imperative to have a charitable life. Do something for someone else, volunteer at an established
charity, religious organization, hospital, library, or whatever. It is important to get your hands dirty while
assisting someone else. This helps us realize that the world doesn’t revolve around us.
V. It is imperative to have a family life. We need to spend time with and appreciate family - whatever form that
may take - children, parents, brothers and sisters, any friends or significant others, pets, home and hearth, kith
and kin. This is so we know we have a haven, and know we are loved - even if just by one.
I hope this helps as you evaluate your approach to your life. I don’t have to tell you that there is nothing as
devastating as doing the same thing over and over, thinking the same thoughts, being stuck in a rut, and
unhappy because you can’t get what you want, and don’t know what to do about it.
I’m not saying that this is a cure-all - sometimes only a doctor and a prescription can cure what ails you.
However, if you have all of the above in your life, chances are you are pretty satisfied, busy, perhaps happy, and
often fulfilled. And you may have reason to be pretty pleased with yourself for all that you have accomplished
alone and without a partner. If you do not, you may want to make some changes.
Please email your comments to sdplatt2@astound.net.
Susan’s Wake Up Call, copyright, 2009, by Susan D. Platt
(No part of this article may be reproduced without the express permission of the author).
May 3, 2009 - 6
The Society of Single Professionals
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